The Astros can still win the World Series even if they lose. During the break, I propose we turn control of America’s pastime over to Texas Republicans, so that losing can again be winning for our team.
After any loss to Atlanta, the New ASTROS (Abbot Scams, Trump Rules Our State) must, with their usual gravitas, blame batter fraud or a conspiracy to manipulate the Jumbotron. Forensic cyber ninja gamers can prove after the fact that fair is foul.
Any umpire who respects the rules, also known as an activist judge, must be replaced. His replacement will call balls as strikes and strikes as balls as needed. If the proud boys of summer use their flag bats to hit a single or an umpire, the new ASTROS runner starts on third, not first base. A walk is a run for our team.
The crowd boys rooting for the new ASTROS must follow Rudy’s lead and scream “Stop the Steal” until Ken Paxton has filed a lawsuit. They must increase the volume after he loses it.
So, schedule the victory parade. Remember, we do well by Orwell — ignorance is strength. Losing, as the new ASTROS will always swear, is really winning.