Boris Kushnerkov and Natasha Fatway celebrated the outbreak of Maga flu they had spread across the Canadian border to Frostbite Falls. Victims of the flu compulsively chant “Lock Her Up” or “Build a Wall” when led by the Mayor of Frostbite Falls.

The flu had turned the mayor into Mangoman. Now they need to neutralize the doings of Doright Meueller. But the first concern is Rocky Pelosi and Bullwinky Schumer.

Rocky had flown into power riding a blue surf board. Now she wants to expose the evil perpetrated on the mayor. If Doright can get the goods on Boris and Natasha, they can show how the fearless leader used the flu to orchestrate Mangoman’s election.

Doright has isolated 39 victims of Maga flu, but the mayor denies Boris and Natasha’s infection. The mayor cleverly destroyed the notes of his meetings with the fearless leader by mixing them with fast food for the college football champions. The mayor loves fast food and football players will eat anything.

As Mayor Mangoman ponders his next move, Doright strikes from the left by hurling a stone into the mayor’s glass house. What can the Mangoman do to confuse the blue surfers? He calls fearless leader in desperation.

Fearless leader, with a sly smile and riding bare back, summons Boris and Natasha for a new plan. He orders them to secretly fly to Cozumel where they announce a caravan of asylum seekers advancing on the border.

Following the plan, Mangoman demands a wall to stop the caravan. Unfortunately, his loyal contractors hire the caravan to build the wall. Word of this leads to another outbreak of Maga flu. With the wall nearly complete, the border is closed, trapping Boris and Natasha in Cozumel without a boat to paddle.

Fearless leader, realizing his trusted minions are trapped, arranges for Congressman Noneless to commandeer a stealth helicopter. The helicopter is designed for flying below bushes surrounding the mayor’s condominium tower. This enables him to rescue Boris and Natasha and fly them to a tunnel left by El Clappo. The tunnel is long enough to smuggle them to Laramie, Wyoming, where Maga Flu has reached a peak.

Fearless leader’s next plot has Boris and Natasha blocking a gaggle of geezers flooding across the Canadian border bearing truckloads of Viagra and pre-lubricated catheters. If they stop the geezers, they will become enraged and attack the blue surfers. The rioting will allow Mangoman to declare a national emergency and finish the Mexican wall over El Clappo’s tunnel.

Doright has gotten wind of fearless leader’s plan by wiretapping conversations between him and Mangoman. Doright has accessed the notes of Boris and Natasha and sent them to Rocky and Bullwinky. Can Rocky and Bullwinky stop the plot and get the geezers home? Their tactic relies on weaponized subpoenas.

If the geezers get home, fearless leader will send orange sparrow to seduce Mangoman. Fearless leader can then buy one of Mangoman’s Frostbite Falls’ condominiums.

Stay tuned for the next episode of the Mangochurian Candidate.

Dan Freeman is an occasional columnist for The Daily News.

(8) comments

Randy Chapman

If this was only...well, slightly funny.[yawn]

Bailey Jones

Yeah, the original was great satire.

Kelly Naschke

Poor guy has lost his mind.

Carlos Ponce

Clearly obvious Dan Freeman is no Jonathan Swift. Oh well, more bottom of the birdcage material.

Miceal O'Laochdha

Thanks for the tip of the hat to Jonathan Swift, Carlos. A re-reading of a "Modest Proposal" might be beneficial to all of us today. And, it is more enlightening on its subject than this unfortunate effort at parody of a brilliant Cold War cartoon.

Rusty Schroeder

"Occasional columnist for the Daily News", I now know there is not a drug testing program at the GCDN.

Diane Turski

Ha! Ha! Theater of the Absurd script!

George Croix

Riddle me this. When is the level in a drinking glass like this witty article....
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