It’s only right that Mark Henry and the Galveston County Commissioners (does that sound like a country and western band?), having solved all the problems that earlier beset Galveston — poverty, disease, crime, traffic, COVID, truancy and excessive windstorm rates — should elsewhere apply their prodigious intellect (“Commissioners uphold judge’s immigration disaster order,” The Daily News, July 3.)

And, what better place to apply it than in constructing the border wall — a goal that has eluded our ablest mind and greatest executive. Henry and the commissioners, in their border order, state that “people crossing the border illegally present an imminent threat to the health and safety of Galveston County residents;” and, if that weren’t enough, Henry and the commissioners were quoted in the news saying they thought, “The crossings at the border eventually would affect Galveston County.”

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”

“The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.”

“The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master — that’s all.”

Clearly, Henry and the commissioners are the masters, and “eventually” means “imminent,” except when it doesn’t, in which case, it means the opposite of “imminent.”

Taking this same philological approach to heart, Barbara Meeks said, “It is a crime to ignore and condone the invasion. It is completely rational to use disaster-related funds to stop the threat.”

While all these Central Americans, Mexicans and Andeans amassing at the border and waiting their chance to invade the state and convert its restrooms to non-birth-gender facilities, change the official language to Spanish, vote Democrat and impose Sharia law may be an imminent or eventual, or at least, an imaginary threat, whatever, the judge and the commissioners need to address a problem more apropos to their talents, for example, the continuing invasion of Californians.

It would be far easier to put a wall around California than Mexico. It would be cheaper, too. Californians don’t go anyplace on foot, so you only need to wall off the highways, and, when they find themselves unable to proceed in their autos, they will return to L.A.

Already that invasion is underway and there is damage. House prices are going up, arugula is easier to locate than iceberg lettuce in our supermarkets, and our language has suffered adulteration with the nearly ubiquitous use of such Californiaisms as “reach out” and “share.”

It’s time for the masters of language to reach out to save our manner of speech, or it’s going to be like bringing home a stray dog with fleas.

Kenneth Shelton lives in Galveston.


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(10) comments

Carlos Ponce


David Blumentritt

Damn, this explains why I can't find okra in the produce section of the grocery store, its because of the arugula. Hilarious


Thanks, had fun writing it.

mark white

Very well written and thought provoking article. Thank you.


Thank you.

Margaret Jimenez

How very clever! Thank you Mr. Shelton. You made me smile out loud --a much better way to start a day.

Ed Buckner

"Judge" Henry and the Commissioners have almost mastered the art of looking like fools in public--but you have aided them nicely in that effort. Thanks, Mr. Shelton.


I just held up a looking glass.


glad you enjoyued it.


Glad you enjoyed it.

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