COVID-19 is infecting my perception of reality, and I fear I may never recover.

I now live in a world where watching an old episode of the ’90s television show “Friends” begs me to wonder — where is the social distancing?

Or while enjoying the climactic scene in “When Harry Met Sally,” I ponder why they are not wearing masks.

And finally, the opening credits of “The Brady Bunch” now looks remarkably normal, much like an everyday Zoom conference.

Who thought the masked criminal Bane from Gotham City would suddenly look, eh, normal? Suddenly, Batman looks surprisingly vulnerable with his exposed chin.

If masks continue to be a needed protective element for an extended period, can we expect producers to add a CGI mask to the upcoming James Bond movie?

Imagine Daniel Craig sauntering up to the roulette table, and the evil mastermind sits across the playing surface from him. They exchange the knowing looks of predators sizing each other up. Craig lights up a cigarette and introduces himself to the players.

“Name’s Bond, James Bond.”

“What? I can’t hear you through your mask.”

“BOND, JAMES BOND!”

“What? James Blonde? Who has a name like that?”

“Bond. B-O-N-D!”

“Wayne Bond you said?”

Author Ian Fleming would be spinning in his grave like the license plate of Bond’s trademark Aston Martin DB5 in “Goldfinger.”

Imagine being in Hollywood today. How do you manage to put out a product in today’s mask-populated environment? Doing so risks dating scenes like bell bottoms and long sideburns did for the ’70s. Imagine Thomas Magnum with his trademark mustache hidden behind a coordinated Hawaiian shirt-themed mask.

Today’s network newscasts are already there. Watching a national news report this week, I noticed all the reporters were wearing protective masks. I appreciate their gesture, but I’m feeling relatively safe watching from my television at home.

Look, I’m all in wearing a mask, but you must admit getting dressed each day is more challenging. Is my blue mask clean? Will it complement this T-shirt? So many new decisions.

And in true American fashion, we figured out how to monetize the space for advertising or branding. Somehow, it took COVID-19 coming to the shores of the USA for someone to spot an opportunity — a place where people’s eyeballs would be focused and then use the space to drive messaging. God bless the American entrepreneur.

Who would have thought Birdwell, the maker of generations of board shorts for surfers, would repurpose fabric into making patterned masks? And people would gladly pay top dollars to wear them?

As masks are becoming a fashion item, materials and creative designs are springing up galore. Entire companies are springing up, turning scraps of fabric into immense fortunes. Again, God bless the American entrepreneur.

As for Hollywood, they have their hands full. Imagine the scene where Goldfinger has James Bond — masked up and strapped to a table, a laser encroaching closer.

“Goldfinger, I know about Operation Grand Slam.”

“Did he say something?”

Cut to credits.

Leonard Woolsey: 409-683-5207; leonard.woolsey@galvnews.com

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(6) comments

James Woodall

Mr. Woolsey,

I apologize for recently mispelling your name in a recent comment. I just wish myself and others could have had a "hair off contest" before the end of the first lockdown. I had my hair cut this week for the first time since February. Without the aid of gel, I was pushing the edge of space straight up. I say this all in humor, not to goof on you, but as a form of comic relief. I am pretty sure 9 out of 10 would agree you have some fine hair including Peter Davis. On a more serious note, I subscribe to and/or read on a daily basis four newspapers. The Galveston Daily News is by far my favorite read. Keep up the good work!

David Schuler

Very perceptive! Spacing out cookie dough squares on a baking sheet does indeed make me think of social distancing.....

Ray Taft

Masks may indeed alter us forever, but apparently not at TDN.

Why is it that Woolsey is the only one portrayed as wearing a mask in TDN.

Is everyone else exempt from Galveston’s rules because their media elites? Don’t the rest of y’all believe you should be wearing a mask?

Bailey Jones

Oh dear, I have photos of people all over my house - none of them are wearing masks. Should I be concerned, Ray?

Ray Taft

Do any publicly publish their photos daily not wearing a mask, while telling everyone else to wear a mask?

Carlos Ponce

Do your cats have masks on, Bailey?

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