Marriage worth the bumpy ride

On the big day, she stood dressed in a flowing gown she designed from magazine clippings and sketches on a piece of paper. A friend’s mother brought the pieces to life, creating the one-of-a-kind dress by hand. It remains a stunning creation.

Standing beside her was a kid fresh off his final spring midterms. Proudly sporting a high-spiking, shoulder-blade length mullet to make the then-contemporary Andre Agassi jealous, he looked like a rooster in a tea shop.

I’m sure many people in the church pews placed bets if these two creative souls from different worlds would survive beyond Christmas. Sometimes, searing passion is not enough. Real life brings ample doses of the cold water rain, effectively cooling youthful, blind passion.

We are not different. Marriage was — and is — hard.

Getting married is a remarkable act of faith. You agree to a lifelong commitment to living at arm’s length from someone you barely know. And clouding the issue is an intense fire of attraction, blinding or shielding you to prickly burs you better recognize as time progresses.

Being broke is no fun. And learning the art of giving is equally tricky. And a steady drip of stress — careers, children and the realization marriage is for the long term — can crack the cast forged during the intense heat of the initial passion. Ask anyone who’s been there.

One time my aunt stepped in.

While my wife and I were in a difficult period, she passed a gem of wisdom earned during her more than half-century marriage.

“Never forget the person you were so crazy about getting married to is always in there,” she said.

Keeping things in balance and perspective was critical, she told us.

And like many couples, we’ve found ourselves looking over the edge, staring into the darkness of the unknown. But, listening to my aunt’s advice and our faith in God, we stepped back. And we are glad we did.

When you are young, the future is cloudy and unclear. The road is ahead and populated with possibilities. But as you mature, you realize that looking back reflects your true self — the meaningful accomplishments that will never reflect on a resume. Children, overcoming relationship problems, learning to forgive and recognizing time spent is infinitely more valuable than digits deposited in a bank account.

And if you navigate far enough down the road, you learn there is a spectacular reward: a deep friendship created over time, one defined by fierce internal and external challenges. And the matured friendship anchors you to know you can take on anything that comes your marriage’s way.

I know this to be true. And as a bonus, I get to do this with my best friend.