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Bailey Jones

I've been happily surprised with the boldness and energy of our new president. And I appreciate the return to normalcy. I was very disappointed by his refusal to raise the refugee cap, and I'm not at all happy that we seem to be hoarding our surplus vaccine stockpiles when the need in the rest of the world is so great. But, for a sleepy old septuagenarian, he's become quite the progressive honeybadger. (Know your memes.) I'm glad I voted for him. The Dow Jones also seems to be happy - up 26% since the day before the election. (Up 16% over the highest point in the previous administration.)

Carlos Ponce

"I've been happily surprised with the boldness and energy of our new president."

The calendar shows it's April 26, not April 1.

Not to worry. This fraud will be over before you know it.

Ted Gillis

Are you leaving us Carlos?

Carlos Ponce

Ted, no, I am not leaving.

Bailey Jones

I hope not. Without his daily reminders, I might forget what an epic failure #worstpresidentever was.

Carlos Ponce

Delusional.

Bailey Jones

Hey Carlos - make yourself useful and ask your youtube prophets when and where hurricanes are going to hit this season. That should be easy for anyone with a direct line to an omniscient Almighty. Or, do they just cover the political beat?

Carlos Ponce

The prophets know but I found sharing the Lord's words with those who would rather listen to Satan's minions is not a good idea.

Bailey Jones

Oh, come on, Carlos, whip out that Urim and the Thummim. Throw them bones.

OK, so no one wants to commit. I understand - predicting the weather is hard, you'd have to be a real prophet for that. But how about the pandemic? Who had 600,000 in the COVID US death pool? No one? But surely they all saw it coming right? The worst plague in a century? Prophets are always good with plagues. How many of your 100's of God's prophets predicted it? Someone must have - a worldwide plague is certainly as prophecy-worthy as how many supreme court justices Trump gets to nominate. What, Mark Taylor missed that one? I assume so, otherwise, you would have believed it was real.

They warned you about the 2020 stock market crash, though, right? I know how important prosperity is to God's profits. Surely they told the faithful to get out of the market on February 12th and get back in on March 23rd. Wow-what a boost to their ratings that nugget must have been. No?

When is bitcoin going to peak? Wait, that's too hard. How about, "where did I put my bitcoin password?"

Still too hard? Here's a simple one:

What have I got in my pocket?

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