... And all I got was this lousy ...

GALVESTON — At Beach Break Surf Shop on The Strand, the best-selling souvenirs aren’t oversized conch shells or quaint seascapes — they are $5.99 pairs of men’s underwear emblazoned with a tawdry allusion to breaking wind.

When it comes to pursuing the perfect souvenirs, the journeys aren’t always sentimental. From tacky to touching, trinkets are a multimillion-dollar business here and part of an ancient travel tradition.

The hunt for travel mementos is a ritual that some historians believe dates back to the 6th century, when Christian pilgrims collected relics on treks to the Holy Land.

“We want a tangible reminder of our vacation and we don’t want to waste a lot of time looking for it,” said Tanya A. Brown, editor of TackyLiving, a Sunnyvale, Calif.-based Web site devoted to tasteless pleasures.

“Searching for tasteful things to complement our décor is too much work. We just want something to take home — almost anything — and the closer our departure date draws, the more desperate we get.”

Whether tourists here are going for the naughty or nautical, it’s all about capturing a vacation feeling, bagging it and bringing it home for future reflection, said industry observers.

“They always try to capture the moment,” said Charles Nelson, a designer and wholesaler of sunglasses who was in town last week from Houston to promote his wares. “It’s like a time capsule.”

So while a pair of underwear that declares: “World’s largest source of natural gas” may not scream “Galveston,” it’s folly to overanalyze.

“They buy it for their father — for fun,” shrugs Jacob Safada, owner of Beach Break, about the gaudy garment.

As the summer season ends, how will tourists, when their tans are faded, remember us?

Crabs for one.

Joshua resident Cindy Cloud can attest that souvenirs indeed can stir pleasant vacation memories.

Cloud bought some obligatory T-shirts while visiting here in June. But she and daughter Hannah, 7, also went home with a hermit crab. Last week, Cloud, whose family had rented a beach house for seven days, reported that the hermit crab was alive and well, and still generating good Galveston vibes.

“We just like finding something that you can’t find at home to remember the trip by,” Cindy Cloud said.

When Cloud thinks of the island, she said she thinks about the beach and water.

Jenny Horton, 7, and grandmother Betty Horton, who traveled here with the Clouds, also purchased a hermit crab at Wings on the Seawall. Unfortunately, that crab, as they say in the insurance industry, ascended to glory.

Still, the Hortons and the Clouds had the right idea when it comes to getting the most out of their vacation experience, Brown said.

Brown got one of her first tastes of souvenir shopping in Galveston, she said.

While visiting at age 10, Brown’s parents let her go souvenir shopping alone. She wound up with a rhinestone belly button jewel and a T-shirt illustrated with topless mermaids lounging on rocks. Her parents weren’t pleased.

“Cheesy souvenirs are fun, which is what vacations are all about,” Brown said. “People who take home tarantulas embedded in resin aren’t looking for objects d’ art. They just want something that will be fun for awhile, or maybe they want to astound and horrify the folks back home.”

Which could explain the popularity of shark in a jar, a hot seller at Mermaid Souvenir Pier and Murdoch’s Bath House on the Seawall.

Those souvenir shops report that shark in a jar — a shark fetus crammed in a tube and suspended in water, a byproduct of the commercial fishing of shark mothers — sell well here.

All things fish-related are big, too.

“If you can’t get a souvenir made of plastic, the next best thing is something made of local materials or creatures, especially odd ones,” Brown advised. “Moose turds and canned armadillo are great choices. So is anything made with seashells, particularly if googly eyes are included.”

Earlier this summer at a Seawall gift shop, Justin and Sharon Rogers bypassed the ashtrays, shell purses, key chains, birdfeeders shaped like pelicans, a “White Trash Cooking” book (including a recipe for Aunt Donnah’s Roast Possum), flip-flop shaped refrigerator magnets, snow globes, floaty pens, silly hats, hula skirts and picture frames with tropical designs.

Justin, 24, and Sharon, 25, here for their two-year wedding anniversary, had their eyes on a pink flamingo lawn ornament.

For the Rogers, souvenirs are a spontaneous event that shouldn’t absorb a lot of time and thought.

“It’s a spur of the moment thing,” Sharon Rogers said.

Magda Kajrukszto, a Pole who now lives in New York, can teach souvenir shoppers a lot about restraint.

All she bought were two lousy T-shirts.

“That’s it, just T-shirts,” Kajrukszto said.

Sisters Jennifer and Kitty O’Neil, authors of “Decorating With Funky Shui: How to Lighten Up, Loosen Up and Have Fun Decorating Your Home,” urge souvenir buyers to display their trip bounty proudly.

“Every time I see my snow globe collection, I get that giddy travel feeling — I remember haggling with a vendor in Venice for the one with the gondola,” said Jennifer O’Neil. “And the alligator belly snow globe from Florida reminds me of my home state. They make me smile every time I see them.”