“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness … .”
There was a queen with a proud demeanor and her big dog Bill. There was a king with a fine mane and fair queens from many lands. It was clear as a pundit’s gaze that one would become the leader of the finest land and provide fishes and loaves for all forever.
To prove their worthiness, each established a grand foundation to provide for the widows and orphans, the sick and the desperate. The foundations were required by law to report their proceeds and gifts, as well as their sources of income.
The queen tithed her own vast income to provide for her foundation. She used her influence and power to persuade the rich and famous to give to her foundation. The foundation grew quite large and gave hundreds of millions of dollars for economic development, climate change, health and wellness, and the empowerment of girls and women. If the world’s princes and barons gave to the foundation, she would grant them a personal visit, a chance to shake hands with Bill, and an announcement of their gifts. On good days, the princes and barons would play catch with Bill. He would bound after the ball they threw and return it all covered with slobber. He was so lovable, they did not care.
Sometimes people would ask her questions. The queen, always the smartest person in the room, gave people answers she thought they wanted to hear. Unfortunately, people usually had their own ideas and questioned her answers. But she meant well and her answers never hurt anyone.
The king, with fair queens from many lands, said since the people were losers, they should make him as rich as possible. To do this he used his father’s money to attend real estate school and build casinos. When the casinos failed, he took the money from a book he co-wrote and formed his foundation. It is a foundation without a statement of goals and objectives. It gives money to some charities and buys enormous portraits of the king and football helmets. Since 2008, the king has not donated to his foundation. Instead, he persuades other princes and barons to give money to his foundation, money he relabels with his own face and fair mane. Some of the princes and barons took exception to this and stopped donating to the king’s foundation. Today, it is unknown if the king, with fair queens from many lands, can afford to give to his foundation because he spends money on his campaign to make the people great again.
Of course the queen, with a proud demeanor and her big dog Bill, believe the people are already great and should not be asked to give to a dark foundation. We believe that electing her to lead the people would be a far, far better thing to do than we have ever done.
Dan Freeman is a Professor Emeritus at the University of Texas Medical Branch.