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Who is this Clover Nutkissed fellow? - The Galveston County Daily News: Guest Columns

February 12, 2016

Who is this Clover Nutkissed fellow?

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Posted: Monday, August 18, 2014 12:00 am

‘Hi, Doc, you busy?”

“Nope, Orf. Why?”

“I have been listening to the radio and have a few questions.” I knew this would be trouble, but I was cornered and had a fresh, cold beverage.  

“Who is this Clover Nutkissed guy?”  

“I think you mean Grover Norquist. He is bright Harvard graduate that does not believe in taxes and thinks Teddy Roosevelt was a socialist. ”

“That’s pretty reactionary. How does he earn a living?”

“He convinces people to send him money so he can tell them what they want to hear.”

“Pretty sweet, but who would do that? They could just go up to Palo Duro Canyon, yell and listen to the echoes.”

“Orf, some extremely wealthy people send about $4 million each year to his charity, Americans for Tax Reform. It advocates reducing taxes to the level that they were in 1900 as a percentage of the economy. That way the government will shrink until Grover can drown it in a bathtub.”

“Has it worked?”

“Nope, the government keeps buying fancy gear and growing. The Donkeys call this a borrow and spend policy.”

“Wow, I wonder if I can figure out what else people want to hear so they can send me money. Do you think the Cookie Brothers would send me some money? I hear they sell a lot of Dixie cups for Kool-Aid parties and Brawny towels to clean up the mess in Washington.”

“Cookie Brothers? I have never heard of them. Do you mean the Keebler Elves or the Koch Brothers?”

“Might be the Kochs. I heard their daddy helped found the John Birch Society to save America from fluoridation.”

“They are rich, but you may not be able to persuade them to send you money. They have another charity, Americans for Prosperity, that competes with Americans for Tax Reform. It takes in and spends about $40 million for educating people about the perils of taxes and government.”

“Holy moly, they really have this borrow and spend thing down. How many are on the staff?”

“Gosh, I don’t know, but they have at dozen senior executives including political activist Tim Phillips, who is paid handsomely to tell people what the Koch’s want them to hear.”

Orf looked stunned. I had to go but as I left I heard him muttering, “This Clover guy should know what cattle do with clover in Texas.”